The infamous Westboro Baptist Church, known for it’s protests of homosexuals at the funerals of Iraq war veterans, because there are obviously a lot of queers in the military, was the victim of arson this weekend. I am stunned, as I thought god only brought down his anger upon the non-believers and sodomites (little known fact, god hates butt sex, he had a bad experience at summer camp). Mr. Phelps claims that US soldiers die in Iraq, not because George Dubya Bush sent them to fight an illegal war for profit, but because the US tolerates homosexuals (by tolerate I mean that we let them do their thing but deny them any kind of rights as couples, because the good lord made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, Steve is definitely not a biblical name).
There were two church members sleeping in the church when the fire broke out, obviously these individuals were having anal sex, they forgot to use some lube, and the friction caused a spark that ignited god’s fury and damn near burnt the place to the ground, but thanks to god (and the Westboro Fire Department) the church was saved, although it incurred $30,000 in damage. Fred Phelps wrote a letter to the US Attorney General asking him to investigate this as a hate crime. I would have to agree that this may qualify as a hate crime, although that is hard to prove since there isn’t any evidence that it was a hate crime other than the fact that the church is full of douchebags. I don’t condone lighting places on fire to protest things, I would recommend a protest with a bunch of half-naked flamboyant homosexuals on gay pride parade floats in front of the church. The only problems with this is that the Westboro Bapist Church is located between Nowhere and East Fucking Nowhere, so it isn’t likely to attract much attention.
Mr. Phelps, your imaginary god may hate fags, but reasonable people hate you.